1.Hate Lives In A Small Town
If you're headin' down the highway
Down about route ten,
Get off at the last exit
And take it around the bend
You'll find a small town
But don't go hangin' 'round.
'Cause hate lives in a small town
'Least that's what I have found.
Moms are in the kitchens
And they're baking pies.
They smell so good, they're made to
Cover up the smell of lies
There in a small town.
But pies don't cure all ills.
And hate lives in a small town,
That's why those moms take pills.
Well, I went to the big city
And everyone was wearing black.
They saw that in my home town,
They wouldn't stand for that.
I saw kids all covered in tattoos,
With mohawks and purple hair.
But what really struck me,
Was no one seemed to care!
Well, the Knights they beat the Badgers
When they played down on the square
But they saved the biggest beatings
For a kid with longish hair.
They're in a small town.
That kid was me one year.
'Cause hate lives in a small town
Moreso if you seem queer.
The pastors in the pulpit,
Preaching righteous lies.
And the congregation, they don't know
He slept with all their wives.
They're in a small town,
And it's so plain to see
That hate lives in a small town,
As does adultery.
I went to the big city,
With my clothes in a pack.
When I got off at the station,
There was no turning back.
I met freaks and creeps and weirdos,
Loose women and some geeks.
And they were the nicest gosh darn people,
I could ever hope to meet.
When you roll into a small town,
They're nice as they can be.
But at night they put on sheets,
And hang your sad ass from a tree.
They're in a small town,
Don't dare be different.
'Cause hate lives in a small town
Unless you're just like them.
If you're living in a small town,
And you feel you're in a vice.
Just buy yourself a ticket, kid,
Just take my advice.
And leave the small town,
Be quick as you can be.
Get out of that small town,
And you'll be free like me.
2.Stubborn As A Mule
If you gave me a nickel to mend my ways
Well, then I'd have a nickel
And I reckon I'd probably owe you change.
I don't have a care,
I don't have a plan.
I've got nothing to spare.
And it's just the way I am.
If you gave me a two-cents
On how to live my life.
Well, then I'd have two cents
And a great big pile of bad advice
I don't doubt your mind or ability
I just highly doubt that you know
What's right for me.
You say I'm stubborn as a mule, boy
'Cause you've got words I just won't hear.
I may seem stubborn as a mule, boy
But if wealth is measured by the ease,
To do just what you please.
Then I'm the richest man in here.
You say to save my pennies
For a rainy day
But I can't buy beer with pennies
I've gone and stashed away.
That rainy day might be when I'm dead.
So I'd rather spend them
Now on beer instead.
If you bet me a dollar
That I am wrong.
I'd take that dollar
And I'd put it in the jukebox for this song.
Then I'd sit on back
And pretend to hear your nagging words
While I finish up my beer.
You say I'm stubborn as a mule, boy
'Cause you've got words I just won't hear.
I may seem stubborn as a mule, boy
But if wealth is measured by the ease,
To do just what you please.
Then I'm the richest man in here.
You got the things you need,
And that's alright for you.
You got your cubicle
And your three-piece suit.
You got security and hypertension, too.
And you've got that tie that fits you like a noose.
Bet your bottom dollar
That the buck stops here.
'Cause if you meet me in another fourty years,
I'll still be broke
And I may be old.
But the life I've lived,
Would've been worth more than gold.
You say I'm stubborn as a mule, boy
'Cause you've got words I just won't hear.
I may seem stubborn as a mule, boy
But if wealth is measured by the ease,
To do just what you please.
Then I'm the richest man in here.
3.You Married A Fool
It happened at a birthday celebration
You said by all accounts I made a scene
I told off-collar jokes,
Offended several folks.
I guess perhaps I might see what you mean.
Now if you were to take me to a funeral,
I'd be the only fool there in a party hat.
I mean no disrespect,
I just think 'What the heck？
I might just make a grieving widow laugh.'
Your girlfriends say it all the time,
But your mama says it, too,
You married a fool
You married a fool
You married a fool
But I'm a fool for you. I met you where you worked, down at the
tavern.
We sang karaoke songs until you closed.
I guess I drank too much,
And maybe I lost touch.
I'm not sure why I took of all my clothes.
It's nothing new, hell, you can ask my mother.
I was a joker and a classclown back in school.
And I take any gaffe
Just to make some people laugh.
And I don't care if I come off a fool.
Your girlfriends say it all the time,
But your mama says it, too,
You married a fool
You married a fool
You married a fool
But I'm a fool for you.
At night we get in bed and we turn out the lights.
It's not a hint of irony, it's not a joke in sight.
But in this great, big world of ours
You're the only one around who can see the real me
Through the make-up of this sad and wounded clown.
I like to think I'm like Kenny Rogers
When I stay out late at night and play my songs.
But this song is no 'Lady'
In fact, they are quite shady.
I guess I only sing 'bout things gone wrong.
A friend asked if you were my inspiration.
You told her： 'Have you heard this moron sing？
Even has a song that says that
I lost my head when he gave me the ring.
What a godawful thing to sing!'
Your girlfriends say it all the time,
But your mama says it, too,
But they can't see between the lines
To the truth of me and you,
I guess I might seem like a nut,
So I guess it might be true that
You married a fool
You married a fool
You married a fool
But this fool ain't nothin' but a fool in love with you.
4.When You're Dead
The other day, I took a walk because the air was sweet.
And I passed a crusty house of crumuchen on our street.
Now every town has got one, so I'm sure you'll understand,
when I tell you this old bastard is a mean and bitter man!
Now this day was special, I was wearing my new hat.
The old kamuchen saw this and he disapproved of that.
He said 'I've had one just like it, for 10 years! You ripped me
off! You've got no right to wear a hat like mine, so take it
off!'
Now as it happens, I'm a gentleman, so I approached his porch.
I told him great minds think alike, and you have one, ofcourse.
So how 'bout I just tip my hat to you and I come on through？
He reached down for his gun and said 'I'll shoot you if you
do!'？
And I said no ones gonna cry at your funeral!
No ones gonna drink at your wake!
No ones gonna sigh with a tear in their eye!
'cos no ones gonna miss you when you're dead!
Well the next day I forgot this whole damn mess and went to
town.
And there I saw a 100 or so posters all around.
And on them was my face, and I was wearing my new hat.
And there it read, 'This guy ripped me off! I've got one just
like that!'
I took a walk down to his face to see if I could find a way to
show him that we're kichet spirits of the mind.
I said I didn't make these hats, and nor did you, ofcourse.
And hey! We both love Johnny Cash. He said 'Get off my porch!'
and I said no ones gonna cry at your funeral!
No ones gonna drink at your wake!
No ones gonna sigh with a tear in their eye!
'cos no ones gonna miss you when you're dead!
When you look bad on your life, what will you see？
Did you spend your time mending fences or planting mines？
There is no shortage of potential enemies.
So don't waste much time, pushing away your kind!
I thought I must be stupid or just crazy from the heat,
when I went down to the house of that crumuchen on my street.
Maybe it was foolish to go to his hosue again.
Just to show this crazy, drunken fool he has a friend!
When I got there, much to my surprise, he wasn't there.
He was gone, as was his shotgun and his rocking chair.
I asked the neighbour lady who was laying on her lawn
'What happened to that mean old man？'
She shrugged and that was all!
And I said no ones gonna cry at your funeral!
No ones gonna drink at your wake!
No ones gonna sigh with a tear in their eye!
'cos no ones gonna miss you!
Hell, no one's gonna notice!
And I'll enjoy the silence!................................
When! You're! Dead!
5.All Women Are Crazy
All women are crazy,
All men are dumb.
'Cause though we know they're crazy,
We still want some.
It's nothing new,
And it's sad but true：
That we just can't quit 'em,
And we can't live with 'em,
What's a man to do？
Back in the bible
There was a tree
Lord said to Adam,
'Don't you eat that fruit'
He said, 'Fine by me.'
But then along came Eve,
Looking to do wrong.
And on account of her curves,
And his lack of nerves,
Adam went along.
'Cause all women are crazy,
All men are dumb.
'Cause though we know they're crazy,
We still want some.
It's nothing new,
And it's sad but true：
That we just can't quit 'em
And we can't live with 'em
What's a man to do？
Take my old lady,
I bought her a gown.
We were fixing
To go out mixing
Out on the town.
She said, 'Do I look fat？'
I said, 'Heck no!
Just a little round...'
And since that day,
I've walked this way.
It hurts to sit down.
'Cause all women are crazy,
All men are dumb.
'Cause though we know they're crazy,
We still want some.
It's nothing new.
And it's sad but true：
That we just can't quit 'em,
And we can't live with 'em,
What's a man to do？
'---Fellas, there comes a time in every woman's life... About
once a month, to be exact. When they get all ornery. Oh, they
start kicking and fuzzing and fighting and... We don't know
what's wrong with them. In about a week, they generally come
around... And they'll look you right in the eye, too, and
they'll say： 'I'm sorry, honey, I was just PMSing.' Now, ladies,
I feel for you, I really do. It's not an easy thing to go
through. But since we already know the outcome, I'd like to
propose an experiment： Fellas, the next time your woman gets
crazy. I'm gonna guess, about a month from now. I want you to
look her right in the eye and I want you to ask her 'Honey, are
you sure you're not just PMSing？' And then grab you're gonna
your balls and run for the hills!---'
When I met my lady,
And asked for her hand.
She was the calmest,
And the sweetst girl in all the land.
But then the ring went on,
And she went all wrong.
Like a midnight thriller,
She went BrideZilla,
Spat peasoup and become a killer,
She ate three kids
And my auntie's wig
And the pastor's dog.
Why？!
'Cause all women are crazy,
All men are dumb.
'Cause though we know they're crazy,
We still want some.
It's nothing new,
And it's sad but true：
That we just can't quit 'em,
And we can't live with 'em,
You just can't shoot 'em,
Or you'll end in prison.
And the biker from Hell,
In your prison cell
Might take a shine to you.
6.The Churchyard
A bell in a churchyard,
It yells for me to begin.
And my hands they tremble and shake.
While a chill grows under my skin.
It rains in the valley,
It rains from the skies.
And it's raining deep inside my soul,
And it pours up and out of my eyes.
A long ago, you were here in my arms
And I swore I would protect you from harm
Now here we are.
On this hill, 'neath the tree
In the Churchyard at dawn.
How could we've fallen so far？
The earth is a blood-red clay
That cakes to my heels.
And the stain grows heavy as lead,
And my heart it is heavier still.
In a bow there's a raven
And its eyes fix me with a stare.
Then he turns and screams at the sky.
And it burns like the truth in my ears.
Not long ago, you were here in my arms
And I swore I would protect you from harm
Now here we are.
On this hill, 'neath a tree
In the Churchyard at dusk.
How could we've fallen so far？
No one should find out how it feels
Standing here, hoping and praying
You'll awake from this awful ordeal.
No one should find out what it's like
Standing here, digging a hole in which to bury
Your child and your wife.
When they are finished
They look like wombs on a hill
Two graves, they lay side by side
For my life and my lover to fill.
No one should find out how it feels
Standing here, hoping and praying
You'll awake from this awful ordeal
No one should find out what it's like,
Standing here, not having the means
To buy the medicine to save their lives.
7.Fear And Anguish
None of us will soon forget
The Day before those things arrived
In the Churchyard on the hill,
A man had just buried his bride
She returned that day, alive.
There's a silhouette on the horizon
Like an evil stain on the rising sun.
And as it approached, we saw it was her.
And her eyes were red,
She said 'You're all dead!',
Then collapsed down to the ground
As if somebody cut her strings.
Fear and anguish reigns
Ever since they came.
We used to walk the streets of town
Now we know we never will again.
Suddenly over the hill
A dog lets out an anguished howl
There ain't a beast this side of Hell
That could've brought on what befell that hound.
He was torn from limb to limb.
There's an evil stench creeping on the wind.
Reeks of pestilence mixed with death and sin.
From over the range that is where we found
Scattered on the ground, fifty heads of steer.
But what's real queer;
We searched all around
No other part was found!
Fear and anguish reigned
Ever since they came.
We used to walk the streets of town
Now we know we never will again.
Some say from the skies they fell.
Others claim they came straight from hell.
Some swear they are from the dark,
Yet others they believe they came
From our angry hearts.
And tonight we ride
Out of desperation.
For the mountainside,
Towards the reservation.
See if they might know
How to stand the tide.
Yet when we arrived
They turn their heads,
And the chief said：
'Now you know how we felt
When the white man came!'
Fear and anguish reigned
Ever since they came.
We used to walk the streets of town
Now we know we never will again.
8.Normal For A Man
I'd be thinner, I'd be taller
Go clubbing in my collar
With skin pale as a moth
Dressed in black, I'd go creepin'
While the normal folk are sleepin'
If I only were a Goth
With my hair up, I'd look fancy
Like Siouxsie and the Banshees
With silk or velvet cloth
Dressed in boots, never sandals
And the room would be lit with candles
If I only were a Goth
Yes I'd wanna die
From the bottom of my heart impure
Would I like another clove？ Well, sure
And after that, we'll go listen to The Cure
I'd pretend to be a vampire
Like in stories 'round the campfire
I'd suck your bloody froth
＊sucking noise＊
Yes the thing I'd be best at
Is impersonating Lestat
If I only were a Goth
In my casket purse I'm toutin'
Einsturzende Neubauten
And pagan hymns to Thoth
Yes the world would be depressing
Over death I'd be obsessing
And this corpse that I'm undressing
Would be sexier, I'm guessing
With my diet I'd get scurvy
And I'd worship Peter Murphy
If I only were a Goth
9.On The Road
On the road
It gets so lonely
Far away from home
Every night I cry myself to sleep
I cry a river of tears
And I lie in this bed
And wish that you were here.
9 AM, there's a call on the phone
My agent says 'I know you're not alone.
Kick the girl out, son,
There's a car outside
To take you to the airport.'
12 PM, I'm on the plane
The stewardess smiles,
'Cause I remembered her name
She asked, 'Where're you going？'
And I told her：
'Honey, you should know that it's all the same.'
The suit to my left, he gets all riled,
He says： 'You're lucky that your life is wild.'
And I said： 'Hey Man,
That's just what it's like being on the road.'
It gets so lonely
Far away from home
Every night I cry myself to sleep
I cry a river of tears
And I lie in this bed
And wish that you were here.
4 PM, I'm at the club
Checking sound in a dingy pub
Then it's back to the room
Where I drink some wine
And take a nap in the tub
12 AM, I hit the stage
The place is packed
And they're on a rage
I finish up with a lovesong,
Standing in the middle of a rain of thongs
Curtains closed and I hit backstage
I said 'You better not be underaged!'
To the girl on my lap while
Everyone's taking their tops off
Everyone's taking their tops off
On the road
It gets so lonely
Far away from home
Every night I cry myself to sleep
I cry a river of tears
And I lie in this bed
And wish that you were here.
Naked girls throw themself at you
And you do things you never thought you'd do
All the champagne that you can drink
Man, it stinks, I tell you, it sucks
Being on the road.
4 AM, There's a knock on the door
The afterparty is in the room next door
Willie tells me that
Hank drank all of the beer,
But they're bringing more.
That's about when I hear the scream,
It's the girls from the pagan bikini team
They're undressed to kill
I hear they're rabid fans
And they aim to please
Johnny says that the party's wild,
I say 'I'll be there in a while.
As soon as I finish writing
This stupid postcard,
Writing some girl this postcard.'
On the road
It gets so lonely
Far away from home
Every night I cry myself to sleep
I cry a river of tears
And I lie - lie - lie - lie -lie -
Lie - lie - lie - lie - lie - lie
On the road.
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